On Being Me

I've been writing this post in my head for a few weeks now, trying to figure out how to share about the changes I've been making in my life. The best way to explain it, I guess, is as a quarter life crisis, except instead of going totally nuts and ruining my life and everyone else's around me, I'm improving on things a little.

I didn't plan this. No one told me to sit down and write out goals for my life, and I didn't even really mean to be different. And here's the funny thing, you wanna know what started the "Jillian revolution?" These (well, these in black):

For Christmas I received a pair of leggings from a friend. I have never worn leggings before (ok, not never, but do we really count 1992 when I was six?). I, like many women, hate the way my legs look. I would NEVER have bought these for myself. But, I have a wonderful husband who convinced me to try them on. And once they were on he spent the entirety of Christmas day telling me how fabulous they looked. And you know what? I didn't entirely disagree! I liked the way I looked in them. I felt stylish and distinctly un-frumpy. Any toddler mom will tell you this is a minor miracle in and of itself.

Starting that day a seed of confidence sprouted. I heard a voice say, Maybe you're not doomed to boring frumpy outfits for the rest of eternity.  And even more importantly You are beautiful, just the way I (God) made you. 

I think some women hide their insecurities behind make up and fancy clothes. And some women, like me, hide their insecurities by not trying at all, afraid that if they try and fail their insecurities will not only be confirmed, but other will now notice (and judge) their terribly misguided attempts at fitting in.

But I've decided to just be me. Wear what I like, toss what I don't. Say what I think, be who I am. Turns out I'm not as devoid of style as I would have previously thought. Turns out, I'm even sort of cool.

All of this culminated in me getting a new haircut (the first in nearly a year, I might add). I sat down in the chair and said, "I think my hair is really wavy, but I've blow-dried the crap out of it for so many years, I'm not entirely sure." My stylist replied that she thought I might be right and she had just this thing to see if there was indeed waves hidden in there. Boy, was I right. Here are before and after pictures:

Last haircut about a year ago. See? Blown straight.

Look at those curls/waves! Who knew those were in there?

I feel like the real me is starting to form. It's funny that it took 26 years for me to even begin to get a clear picture of who that is, but I actually like who I am. And after all the self-criticism that one endures during this process, it's wonderful that I can say that.

The complete look