On Being Me

I've been writing this post in my head for a few weeks now, trying to figure out how to share about the changes I've been making in my life. The best way to explain it, I guess, is as a quarter life crisis, except instead of going totally nuts and ruining my life and everyone else's around me, I'm improving on things a little.

I didn't plan this. No one told me to sit down and write out goals for my life, and I didn't even really mean to be different. And here's the funny thing, you wanna know what started the "Jillian revolution?" These (well, these in black):

For Christmas I received a pair of leggings from a friend. I have never worn leggings before (ok, not never, but do we really count 1992 when I was six?). I, like many women, hate the way my legs look. I would NEVER have bought these for myself. But, I have a wonderful husband who convinced me to try them on. And once they were on he spent the entirety of Christmas day telling me how fabulous they looked. And you know what? I didn't entirely disagree! I liked the way I looked in them. I felt stylish and distinctly un-frumpy. Any toddler mom will tell you this is a minor miracle in and of itself.

Starting that day a seed of confidence sprouted. I heard a voice say, Maybe you're not doomed to boring frumpy outfits for the rest of eternity.  And even more importantly You are beautiful, just the way I (God) made you. 

I think some women hide their insecurities behind make up and fancy clothes. And some women, like me, hide their insecurities by not trying at all, afraid that if they try and fail their insecurities will not only be confirmed, but other will now notice (and judge) their terribly misguided attempts at fitting in.

But I've decided to just be me. Wear what I like, toss what I don't. Say what I think, be who I am. Turns out I'm not as devoid of style as I would have previously thought. Turns out, I'm even sort of cool.

All of this culminated in me getting a new haircut (the first in nearly a year, I might add). I sat down in the chair and said, "I think my hair is really wavy, but I've blow-dried the crap out of it for so many years, I'm not entirely sure." My stylist replied that she thought I might be right and she had just this thing to see if there was indeed waves hidden in there. Boy, was I right. Here are before and after pictures:

Last haircut about a year ago. See? Blown straight.

Look at those curls/waves! Who knew those were in there?

I feel like the real me is starting to form. It's funny that it took 26 years for me to even begin to get a clear picture of who that is, but I actually like who I am. And after all the self-criticism that one endures during this process, it's wonderful that I can say that.

The complete look

It Came!

The last post I wrote I talked about what was headed towards me in the mail. Well, it came! My Canon Rebel t3i DSLR camera came! Let me just say, I LOVE it! The all caps are absolutely necessary. To give you a realistic view of why this purchase is so exciting, have a look at the every single post I've ever posted and all those terrible blurry, dark or blown out pictures. I'll do a full review in a few days when I've had a little more practice with it, but for now, feast your eyes on some of my favorites. (PS some are still a little blurry. With a DSLR I'm in charge of everything about the picture and I'm still learning):

"Can I have this Mama?" 

We love our Mickey at the Lynch house!

Little hands

So handsome. I'm one lucky gal! 

"It's as big as me Mama!"

She sat here and said "Ooooh!" for about ten whole minutes, which is like a year in toddler time.

My beautiful girl

Pat took a stab at photography 

Again, so pretty!

Apple at Starbucks

Tickle time!

Daddy teaching Wiggles that Starbucks is not the place for screaming

Goodies For Me!

Guess what's coming in the mail this week!? Remember this post and this post (and every post) where I apologize for my terrible pictures that are grain and blurry? Well no more! Well, at least I won't be able to blame my camera any more, they might still be blurry and grainy but it'll be my own fault.

This is what is winging it's way to me as we speak!

Hooray! See you next week with decent pictures!

Jillian

(Un)Thankful Thusday (on Friday...again...)

Visit A Beautiful Ruckus for her linky party

I do not want to be thankful today. Maybe that's why I have challenged myself to write thankful Thursdays; for days like today. Today I am blue. Discouraged. Swallowed whole by life.

I could spend this post by telling you about both of my parents, who uprooted a literal lifetime to move for a job that they both simultaneously lost this week. Just two months after moving. I could tell you about the absurd (double underline blogger, we need it!) parent who called and berated me for how I "mistreated" her child, who is no angel by the way, making me feel small, trounced on and not fit to teach. I could talk about a lot of things, but today I will choose to talk about the small things, cause sometimes that's all you have.

1) My brother-in-law landed a job at Starbucks. Which is great on several fronts. First, he's joining a noble family history. All four siblings have worked at Starbucks at some point. Plus also, he will be providing the household with a weekly pound of coffee, which he receives as a bit of an employee bonus. We desperately need this at our house. There are certain family members who do not function well without this stimulant. Also, he bought cake to celebrate. Yay cake!

2) My students were much better this week after a firmer hand and a few more smiles. Side note: however, this firmer hand is what cause that parent to loose it with me...

3) This is not a small thing. It is a huge thing. My father (remember, the one who just gave up everything he ever knew just to loose everything he had run towards two months later?) has joy. Where did that come from? On the phone today he said this 

"I dunno Jilly, I've been truly joyful. For the first time in a long time. I have joy. And not only that, but I'm getting talk about Jesus. People ask me how I'm doing I can honestly say I'm doing fine. They look at me cross-eyed, but we really are fine. I get to tell them that I count all things lost for the sake of Christ, even this."

I want that. Where can I get me some of that attitude? Is it his 62 years that make him so wise? Or is it something more. A deeply appreciated gift from the Lord. I have no doubt that he's being used by Him even now. How could God not make good use of such beautiful sentiment? For because of Christ, my wounded and mistreated father has Joy with a capital J.

Food for thought,
Jillian