Monday, October 15, 2012

A confession

When last we talked I promised some lessons about what I've learned in the last few months. Turns out I'm not so sure what I learned. I thought about deleting the last post, but then I remembered that I'm basically just writing for me anyway. However, since I realized I have no idea what I've learned I actually did have a revelation. It's not all that profound except to say that my attitude over the last year has been outwardly very positive, but inside I was bitter. I wish there was a nicer way to say it, but there isn't. I was mad at God for not changing our situation; for what I felt was His abandoning us. Then one night while talking with my husband I had a thought that was not my own. It was very simple and not all that revolutionary. The only word that came into my head was "enough." Nothing else. just "Enough." Not mad, not like God was yelling at me, just gently telling me "Let it go. Enough. Come home." And it was like breathing. So that's the only thing that I have to say. Eventually God will speak to you, nothing anyone has to say will help you hear Him any sooner than you and He are ready to bring you there. And chances are it won't be amazing advice about how to fix your life. It won't shake your world or pay your bills. But what it will do is quietly draw you to Him, softly pointing you back to His loving embrace, where you should have turned first.


Because, Oh my goodness! Look at wiggles and her daddy!
(Photo credit to Will Holmer)

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